swinging on the pendulum

There are times that it feels like that there are multiple me’s inside my body. Which I guess isn’t inaccurate. However, this notion very often frustrates me to no end. Especially when I realize how much I swing between Effort and Freedom, instead of being in between. I tend to white-knuckle everything as if I needed to work to attain Grace. Either that or I don’t do a thing because I am under Grace and so my sins are forgiven. Something like that. I don’t actively live under Grace. And I know having the thought that I am under Grace and actively working should be the medium, but it’s like my pride won’t allow me to a lot of the time.  And of course the times where I am in the middle of those two, it’s usually only for like 7 seconds and then I’m back to swinging again.

I guess Jesus, still needs to grow me…I say that as if there comes a point in my finite life that I won’t need to be grown. As if there will come a time when I won’t need to be matured spiritually or mentally.

Jesus help me. Continue to change my heart, teach me, and help me understand you and your Grace.



One thought on “swinging on the pendulum

  1. Abinayah

    I got you through the tag Faith and Hope.
    You’ve a got a good writing out here.
    Hope to be asssociated with like minded people.
    Hoping to hear from you soon.


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