standing still…

I’m not sure how well my words paint a picture, but I’ll try anyway.

I’ll admit, I haven’t really spent time with God these past couple of weeks. I think a part of me just doesn’t want to obey Him, a part of me just doesn’t want listen or converse with Him. It’s not like I’m running from Him, but its more like I’m standing still…

Disclaimer: I actually don’t smoke. I think it’s kinda gross. but I think for the picture I’m trying to paint, it’s kind of fitting.

It’s like I’m leaning against a wall facing a busy street. The wall has been beautifully graffitied, and all I’m doing is leaning against it smoking a cig. Meanwhile Jesus is beside me, maybe speaking to me, trying to strike up a conversation. I’m not sure, I’m not sure I care enough to listen. All I do is watch people and traffic go by. Day after day I do this, and day after day He’s there. Striking up a conversation, and all I do is ignore Him. Smoking my cig. Maybe one of these days, I’ll pay attention and reply back. Maybe one day soon I’ll agree to go for a coffee with Him. But for now I apathetically lean against the graffitied wall. Watching life pass me by. Feeling sorry for myself, about nothing at all. Wanting satisfaction, but not wanting it from Jesus. Maybe one day soon His voice will reach me, but for now I continue to lean. Not knowing where to go, not realizing what I need. But desiring something nonetheless.

Jesus help me.

Hansen

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2 thoughts on “standing still…

  1. amanda

    Dude, totally hear ya on this!
    The apathy, trying to find satisfaction in this world…etc. Having Jesus, try to speak to you but you really aren’t interested.

    I guess I can relate to all those I have talked to about God in being apathetic now. Just goes to show it really is God who does the awakening, not us.

    Reply
  2. hansenlung Post author

    oh I know it makes me kind of annoyed that I deeply know what is happening, but I don’t necessarily care to change it/desire to change it.

    I totally agree that with you, it’s pretty clear now that God does the awakening and not us.

    Reply

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