When did I begin to think it was all about me?

I have this problem…and by problem, I mean, I have this horrible tendency to put myself in grand importance. As if my presence out-trumps God and all that He has done. Now, I know that the title that I have for this blog is extremely rhetorical. I’m not expecting an answer, because if I were to answer honestly I believe I would say something along the lines of: “I have always thought that it was about me.”

At the deepest depths of my heart which occasionally (and by that I mean more often than not) makes it’s way to the surface, I am an inherently selfish creature more prone to think about myself and give glory to myself rather than to think about and give glory to one far greater than me (for those of you who still don’t know who I am talking about I’ll give you a hint: starts with a J ….ends with an esus). Sure I can blame this on our highly individualistic, materialistic North American culture. Or I can blame it on bad Gospel teaching. And you know, it could be a combination of both which when combined with my natural tendency to put myself as a little god….will eventually lead to utter failure. As the Gospel no longer becomes about Jesus, and what He did. but rather it becomes like what the Colossians tried to do….a Jesus+ [insert something] “gospel.”

Rather the question for this title ought to be something along the lines of  “When did I begin thinking it was all about Jesus?” Again, I believe that for me the question is extremely rhetorical. I couldn’t actually pinpoint an actual time where I began thinking that it was all about Jesus. Because I do at times and then I won’t and then I will. It’s a very up and down ride. However, I find that whenever I begin to truly believe it is all about Jesus, it is during these times when I am closest to the cross.  I really like how John Stott words this. John Stott says: “Every time we look at the cross Christ seems to say to us, ‘I am here because of you.  It is your sin I am bearing, your curse I am suffering, your debt I am paying, your death I am dying.’  Nothing in history or in the universe cuts us down to size like the cross.  All of us have inflated views of ourselves, especially in self-righteousness, until we have visited a place called Calvary.  It is there, at the foot of the cross, that we shrink to our true size.” I never quite really realized it, rather I believe I just didn’t want to admit it, until these past few days, as I was going through the book of Ezra and now through the book of Nehemiah. Just how small we really are.

I am really thankful for Jesus, for the fact that He is so much bigger than we are. As I draw closer to the Cross, I, as John Stott puts it, shrink more an more to my true size. As the magnitude and weight of what He did begins to hit me. And then I realize the Cross wasn’t all about me, it wasn’t because there was worthwhile in me to save. All my good works are like filthy rags to Him. Rather, it was all for His glory, and all because He LOVED me. And for that I am thankful, so very very thankful.

“Now Hope has found me, I am not disowned”- Robbie Seay Band.



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