Ok, yeah I know I jumped the gun on this, and said that I was planning to start this in December. But then I thought to myself…this is my blog, so I really could start and finish this whenever I want. I write on here because I enjoy it. Plus I’ve been itching to start this 30 day thing, so there. That is the reason why I’m starting a couple weeks early.
Day 01 – Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is
Haha, what a topic to start out with eh? I’m currently single, I’ve been single for a while now. For the most part I totally enjoy it. Of course that doesn’t mean that I’m not bothered sometimes with the fact that I’m still single and many of my friends aren’t, and it doesn’t mean that I’m also not bothered by the fact that I feel like a 3rd wheel sometimes. If did say that, or imply it, well that would be quite the bold faced lie.
Would being in a relationship be nice? Sure. Are there people I am drawn towards? Yes. However feelings aren’t not the only things to consider, there are somethings that are keeping me from pursuing one at the moment. First off, I plan on going to Korea for a year or so. Now, this one isn’t so large in my mind. Long-distance relationships are hard, there is no doubt about it. But it isn’t all that impossible. So that isn’t the only factor. However, that being said, it would have to take someone incredible (like hit you in the face with a crowbar and made you flip in the air incredible) to make me reconsider on this point.
The second one, I deem to be far more important. And by far more, I mean infinitely more important. To that end, it is a rather non-negotiable. And that is, I’m not sure I’m mature enough (especially spiritually) to be in a relationship. Far too often, I forget that my first love is Jesus. I tend to go from worshipping Creator God to worshipping His created things. My relationship with Him, borders on inconsistent to non-existent. Now of course I can blame it on many factors, but when all is said and done, I know that my heart isn’t as drawn towards Him as I want it to be. Many things come out of my mouth, but one thing I am hesitant to say with full conviction (maybe because I’m afraid it is a lie or simply because I know it’s simply not true) is that I am 100 percent sold out for Christ. I know that is a heart issue that I cannot change, no matter how much I want to white knuckle change it. And God knows how much I want to white knuckle change it. It is a heart issue that runs deep, that only the Great Physician can surgically remove. If I cannot feed myself spiritually, how can I be expected to feed my future wife, my future family spiritually, if I myself am starving.
Before I make a move to pursue, I want to work with Jesus to cultivate within myself a consistent, vibrant spiritual nourishment that overflows and influences. I want to work with Jesus to cultivate within myself, leadership that doesn’t draw upon my own abilities (though I’m not sure I’m leadership material) but rather it completely draws upon the Holy Spirit who both cultivates spiritual leadership and natural leadership qualities. I want Jesus to teach me, mould me, break me into what it means to serve Him wholeheartedly, pursue Him with true joy, speak Him with passion. I may never reach that high pinnacle, but at least I want to reach a point of consistency that will not be a detriment to the spiritual development of the person I desire to pursue and marry. Rather I would want to be an encourager and cultivator, who aids in the growth of the other.
In the end, all I want is to pursue Jesus fully and get to know Him. I want to be changed by Him, I just want Him. Could I pursue one in the future? Yes. But at the moment, all I want to focus on Jesus and where He is leading me, one step, one day, one moment at a time. All I want right now, is to focus on Him, His Cross and the Gospel, and the how He is changing my heart, slowly but surely.
Jesus, continue to remind me of who You are. Continue change my heart so that I can pursue You with passion, and love others the same. Let me not be drawn towards created things, and if I am convict me and bring me to repentance at the foot of Your Cross. I need You, sustainer of life, and joy. In your beautiful name, Amen.