I know I know, I haven’t posted day 10’s topic yet. It’s coming, it’s taking a little longer to gather my thoughts on that one at the moment. And today’s post will also not be about that as well. I will get back to answer Day 10’s topic, hopefully, tomorrow.
I’m currently doing two things at the moment. The first thing is I’m doing an Inductive Bible Study (IBS) on 1st and 2nd Timothy. I haven’t done an IBS in quite a long time, so to get back into it has been exciting and refreshing (also writing down the verses that catches my eye in my little Bible verse booklet…to look at, wrestle and memorize at later times). The second thing that I am doing is reading through J.Oswald Sanders “Spiritual Leadership.” I’m sure that doing either one of those individually would be convicting, but reading both, thinking on them have, at times, been downright painful. I don’t deal with pain well, I don’t like getting hurt, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. When I find myself in situations that could potentially get me hurt, I tend to run away. It has been my experience with this lovely combination as well.
All a part of me wants to do is run away. Like when I read a line from “Spiritual Leadership” that tells me to cultivate certain qualities that I know will be hard, or when Paul writes “Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus” (2 Tim 2:3), a large part of myself just desires to book it for the hills. To avoid looking at the subject altogether. A part of me desires to convince…myself, that God wouldn’t really want to make things hard for me, He wouldn’t want to break my bones, or perform spiritual surgery…yeah a part of me wants to subscribe to the “fairy god-mother” model of Jesus, who only wants to grant “gum drops and lollipops” of goodness upon everyone and won’t get angry or anything like that.
I know that Jesus isn’t against my joy. In fact, He is probably more for me being joyful than anyone else. However, He knows that what I perceive, sometimes, as a joy-giver, can oftentimes lead to disappointment, regret, spiritual drought…or even spiritual death. Yeah, Jesus knows far more than I do that sometimes what I need to survive, get stronger and healthier is a breaking of bones and open heart surgery. Even though it’s painful and it make take months to be fully healthy again. In the end, it’s all for the best. It’s so I can see Him more clearly and understand that my joy comes from getting Jesus…and nothing else.